"You meet thousands of people and they don't really touch you. Then you meet one person and your life changes forever."
It's no wonder I'm a romantic. I spend the majority of my free time watching films like "Love and Other Drugs" (which is where the quote comes from) or countless other romantic comedies and dramas. I seriously considered spending my Saturday night at home watching "The Notebook" just to watch a love story that I knew I'd like. I love love and romance, and there's not too much I can do to deny it.
For me, romance isn't about gifts or presents. When an ex of mine told me he wanted to arrange for us to fly to the Netherlands to see a friend perform I thought it was an amazing prospect, but not romantic. I'm not one for gifts either because my tastes are so diverse and particular. Romanticism, in my eyes, is about the little things that let me know that the other person is thinking about me and cares. It usually isn't something the other person has to think about either. Rather, it happens spontaneously and almost by instinct.
The first boyfriend I had was by far the most romantic with me. No matter how stressed I was with school or work, he would do something that would make me smile. It could be as simple as staying up next to me watching "Lost" on his computer until 5am while I wrote a research paper on mine just to be able motivate me and keep me awake. He wasn't really doing anything besides showing me his devotion and care. But that was enough to let me know he loved me. Everything that he did for me let me
know that he was thinking about me and that is my definition of romance. Letting the person you're with know you care.
It's important to note though that it's only my definition of romance. We each speak our own "love language" (as Dr. Gary Chapman describes in his book "The Five Love Languages"). Often the disconnect or discord that happens in a relationship isn't because the two people aren't compatible, it's just that they aren't speaking the same love language. Like I said above, a trip to the Netherlands is cool, but doesn't speak to me as a token of love. The love language that I speak are words of affirmation, i.e. compliments, reassurance, and "I love you". This love language doesn't translate as love to everyone equally. In fact, it often is misinterpreted and can lead to the recipient feeling smothered (at least that's what a number of guys have told me).
So, how to solve this problem then? Learn what the love language of your partner is and then learn to speak it. You can go to www.5lovelanguages.com to learn more about the love languages.
As for me, I'm going to continue to watch romantic movies because they speak to me. Maybe they've overly influenced my understanding of love or created unrealistic expectations of how love is supposed to be. But my optimistic heart refuses to believe that I'm the only romantic gay man in the world. So, even though it's late, I think I'll turn on the Notebook now.
Mike another great post! I chuckled when you got the the 5 love languages. Because for me GIFTS are the thing! Haha. Hope all i well. Sad I missed you when you were in UTAH
ReplyDeleteIf you've never seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, you should check it out. One of my favorite love stories.
ReplyDeleteVery good points made in this post. I used to think it was really important to always say "I love you" and have the person say it back.. my boyfriend says it to me on occasion... but it's not words that come out of him easy, even when he's telling it to his mom over the phone. However I realized that when he calls me "My friend" or comes up and rubs my shoulders or gives me a hug.. that's what he's saying.
ReplyDeleteMy recommendation for a cute old school romance, The Desk Set. it's from the fifties, about a librarian who is about to be replaced by computers.. and there's a romance story. And Katharine Hepburn is in it.