#3- Did you all really think it would take that long before my first kiss?

I know it’s only my third entry but I have to put something out there. It’s something I’m not necessarily proud of, nor is it something that I’m ashamed of. I try my best to control it and to recognize it and to move past it. But it’s important that it’s public knowledge because it will help me to get over it. Wow, it sounds like I’m about to come out or something, but that of course is unnecessary these days…

I can be shallow. I know, big surprise right? I try so hard not to be but it’s a part of how my brain works. Part of the purpose of this whole experience is to help me move past it (which is why I’m doing “colorblind” dates and trying not to know what the person looks like before I meet them) and really look at the true beauty of a person, which should be in their personality, passion, and capacity to love. But I still fall into my shallow ways at times.

With date #3 I was initially intrigued by him almost solely on his physique and looks. I thought he was extremely attractive and wanted to go on a date with him because of it. Luckily though I found out there was a lot more to him besides his nice abs, beautifully defined jaw, and his cute smile.

Both #3 and I have fairly complicated schedules so it was hard for a while to find a time that worked mutually for our date. Eventually we kind of stumbled upon a time that worked for us one day and agreed to meet for late night nosh and conversation. I picked him up from his condo and he suggested we go to Portland City Grill.

Now I don’t know how I’ve missed this place before this date. I had heard the name Portland City Grill for many years but somehow I never got around to making the elevator ride up thirty stories to enjoy breathtaking views of downtown Portland and the delicious happy hour menu. I was a bit worried at the placard near the entrance that said the dress code was “casual elegance” but quickly reflected that I had nothing to be concerned about since casual elegance genuinely defines my wardrobe and personality.

#3’s life story was really captivating and enthralling for me to learn about. He was raised in small town and entered the military right out of high school, serving five years, including time in Iraq. When he finished his time with the military he went to school and studied psychology, spending a lot of his time helping fellow veterans dealing with reintegration into civilian life. We talked a lot about the idea of isolation and the feelings that many veterans have as they try to go back to a “normal” life. I was fascinated the entire time since the subject is one to which I have no knowledge or insight, and I felt like I was able to glimpse a bit into this subculture of veterans my age that I really have never connected with before.

The other part of our conversation that really interested me was the recent business that #3 opened up with a few other friends. As most people know, I’m an entrepreneurial nerd so when anyone tells me they’ve started their own business all I want to do is ask questions about systems, start up funds, ideation, and day-to-day operations. There’s something really, really sexy to me about a person who can run their own business successfully and provide quality products to their customers, as well as provide a great opportunity for their employees to work in. #3 and I engaged in a wonderful conversation about his business, as well as discussed and brainstormed around an idea that I recently came up with for a startup internet business. Not only was this guy attractive and smart, but he also asked some of the best questions I’ve had to get me thinking about my own business.

The conversation was so insightful for me…yet somehow I felt like #3 really wasn’t that interested in me. Yes, he was very polite and nice, and definitely engaged in the conversation. But I didn’t really feel any type of chemistry or sense that he really would want to go on a second date. The wonderful part of my 100 date experiment is that I don’t really take that personally anymore. Some people will be interested in a second date and some won’t. Sometimes I won’t want a second date and they will. And sometimes we both will want a second date and we’ll make that happen. But, as #3 and I left Portland City Grill I wasn’t anticipating a second date in our future.

When we got to his house he invited me in to watch some TV (we had previously discussed our mutual affinity for late night indulgent television shows like Bridezillas, When Vacations Attack, Modern Marvels, and Intervention) and we went to his bedroom (because he doesn’t have a TV in his living room) to enjoy some of the best television on the tube these days. Since I had decided that I thought #3 really wasn’t that interested in me I didn’t attempt any of the normal behaviors that usually would accompany late night television watching (i.e. hand holding, snuggling, etc.) and instead left a good amount of space between us on the bed. We watched TV for about an hour and then decided that since we both needed to be up at fairly early hours (at least for the two of us- 9am) that I should go home.

I got off the bed and put my shoes and jacket back on, optimistic that I might have gained a friend out of the date or at least someone I could bounce business ideas off of, and headed towards the bedroom door. As I reached to open the door he said I should give him a hug goodbye. I turned around and reached out to hug and him and as we took each other into our arms I realized we weren’t only hugging, we were embracing. I pulled away slightly and looked at him, likely showing my confusion on my face and then he leaned in and gave me a kiss. I kissed him back and then pulled back again and looked into his eyes, trying to figure out what his intentions were. We were standing there, having been in each other’s presence for nearly three hours, and not once had I felt like he was actually interested in me. Yet, he was kissing me. He spoke softly and said, “I was wondering if you were a good kisser or not.” What? You were wondering? Like you were thinking about this throughout the night or you just thought of it when you hugged me? Well, eager to prove that I am indeed a good kisser I leaned back in and began to show him just how good I was. He kissed back just as passionately and showed me how a true man kisses. It was raw and passionate, yet gentle at the same time. After successfully (at least in my opinion) proving that we were both proficient in using our lips correctly he walked me to the front door and gave me a hug goodbye. As I left he said, “Make sure to text me soon or something.” I assured him I would and walked back to my car, still confused by the events of the evening, mostly because I questioned the authenticity of the kiss. Was it passionate? Yes. Was it fun? Absolutely. But was there true and genuine emotion behind it? I’m not so sure. Unless I’m just completely incapable of reading body language and subtext correctly, which is a definite possibility.

I don’t know what will come of #3 in the future. Would I be willing to go on another date with him? Sure. I had a good time and thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. And hell yes, I enjoyed kissing the man that I had initially wanted to go on a date with simply because of his looks. But perhaps my punishment for being shallow initially will be that #3 isn’t really interested in me. We shall see.